Moving back to move forward

P'atrás, ni pa´coger impulso.

This may sound (let alone look) exotic to some of you, but it is merely a Spanish saying that loosely translates as 'don't go back even to gain momentum'. I have long believed in this maxim. The future is forward, not behind you; therefore, we should only look and move forward, never behind/backward.

I am very blessed to be learning a lot, recently. Yet one of the things I have learned is that this bit of popular wisdom is not quite as right as I always made it out to be. It has taken me many a moment of teeth gritting and consternation; of fear of repeating mistakes; of accepting defeat; of having lost a chunk of my life. But I have to accept what is there: I seem to have created my life of three years ago, again.

Grrr!!

Grrr? Why am I upset? Although it used to have a quick answer (see above for a 'hint'), that reply is not good enough any more. Certainly, I get angry at my own need to revisit situations. I mean, is the same as having to copy the same sentence to memorise it, or retaking an exam. Yes, what irritates me is the feeling of having failed. And it is fear of failure that generated that aversion to go back - even when it would be helpful.

But when my reality is showing me the same scenarios, what can I do except reconsider my beliefs? And who is to say that the beliefs are the right ones for me, or for me at a particular point in time, a particular place, with a particular person? The certainty of only looking forward brings up many an uncertain question.

So I'm revisiting some elements, surprising myself sometimes at what I find. I often reunite with lost strengths and values which served me well, but I let go of to fit others. Mostly, I discover that I am dragging some ridiculous concepts which, hidden in the dark recesses of my mind, are only good for keeping me grounded, or preferably sinking. Safe and stuck, but don't look back! You just might find out why!

Grrr!!

I don't need to retrace steps to gain any momentum. What I do need is to go back and cut ties.

Snip, snip.
Moving on.