The voice, the pen

I have often noticed how, what one feels, another thinks. Why, then, should we not share those thoughts and feelings? It might make things clearer for all... Here, I am offering snippets on whatever gets me thinking, with the intention of sharing these moments with you, hoping for a dialogue of sorts. Whether a word, a sentence, a whole text, please, share.

Wednesday 19 January 2011

A letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

I thought it would be a good idea to send you a little 'Thank You' note, as it is considered good manners when receiving some present or other. But, when I actually sat down to it, I realised that 'a little note' would not do. So, here I am writing a long letter which, I suspect, will only manage to cover the most superficial/obvious Gifts you have bestowed. Actually, let me begin with those:

Thank You, Universe, for my family, partner and friends. They are a surprising group, a collection of amazing individuals whom I love and who, wonderfully, love me back! I learn from them, sometimes despite them and myself both, how to become a (hopefully) better person. I have rarely had to make a great effort to acquire any of these Gift-people, for which my Mam often chides me (she claims I don't appreciate them, but I do, I really do!), while they are a priceless source of Joy. I would like to list them, along with the qualities that make them so worthy; however, considering time, space, and the fact that we both know them,, this generalised entry shall suffice for today.

Thank You, also, for my miraculous body and health. I know I complain more than I probably should, but you should ignore all of that - it is only so much empty noise. I am, in fact, flabbergasted every day, observing the awesomeness of biology: one day I have a cut, two days later new skin has taken care of it! And people are pregnant every so often, when it is actually an extremely complicated combination to achieve! And all the different bits are made from the same original cells, all from the same minuscule DNA chain!!! And each chain is unique, and different, but they all work!!! OK, I'd better stop now before I faint from excitement... Anyhow, I am grateful.

Another Thank You is for my work. It is thrilling, to know that what I do can help others. It seems sometimes unthinkable that such things can be bemoaned, that most people 'do their job' but not from passion. For that passion I can feel I am daily grateful (in fact, it was this that I wanted to write to you about, to begin with). It brings me a feeling of worth, as well as economic well being. Of course, I know I sometimes seem to have forgotten, as it is so abundant!! I am trying my best to cope, to learn to ration it so I am always happily aware of its Gift-like nature, as well as better at it. Then I get scared, because you take part of it away to help me breathe and I start thinking of gloom, doom and ruin. Thank you for ignoring my fears in that respect.

I could not make a (skimpy) list of my reasons to Thank You without mentioning Nature. I was about to say 'pets' yet I guess they are the link to the larger issue of our connection with your physical self. Pets are wonderful, they allow us to understand the basis of loving and generosity; they allow us to love them and to give unselfconsciously; more to the point, they show us our true selves, so we can see our roots and the need for belong in. Trees are always amazing: they receive sun, air an soil  like us yet, unlike us, they go and produce food! and then they give it to anyone, just like that!! And the same goes for shade, wood, protection, warmth... Awesome. So, humble gratitude coming from me, for such Teachers.

Lastly, because I know you must be tired, ever so generous and vigilant, ever so busy, I wanted to say Thank You for those who 'try my patience' (yes, it includes my alarm clock!) or make me wonder. They are the mirror of what I don't want to be, helping me create myself and my portion of surroundings, make informed choices, fueling my aspirations. They might hate the idea of being here, but I hope their paths fill with light and so does mine at crossing them

Well, and that is that, I suppose. Wait! Nope, one last one!!
Thank You for those who read this pages, and Thank You for those whose pages I read/have read/will read. No reason for my character without them, uh? Perfect correlation!

May you have a restful existence and joyful time.

Sincerely,
MCR

Thursday 13 January 2011

Lonely writing

The long silence over, I am back at my keyboard. I am back to try and keep up a "dialogue" with whoever is reading this out there. I must confess, though, that I have been thinking long and hard about the loneliness of writing. And I have reached no conclusive answer. I do have an inkling, however.

I have always loved both reading and writing. I have loved the intimacy, the quiet it brings, the doors it opens - French windows allowing access to a fantastic landscape of improbable possibilities. It is a haven, a bolthole, a hideaway from the world around, from the pressures of daily life, from triggers of frustration. What, then, has made it different and changed my comfy sofa by a warming fire into a jagged rock on the side of a mountain? I believe it is related to my decision to engage in writing on a "serious" basis. This blog, which I started with the intention of updating twice a week, at least, means my optional escape is now a demanding stage.

I suppose I feel lonely because what earlier on meant holding on to my childish avoidance, is at this point a head-on acceptance of adult responsibility. I have a responsibility to myself, to my writing, to those of you who have decided to read. So,writing is not an "away from trouble" place anymore, but a "facing troubles" state. My lovely friend told me she had felt the writer loneliness when she was writing her thesis. I suppose these are growing pains, a bit delayed.

Funnily, as soon as I thought about this (a little while back), it stopped being such a lonely place. Scary, exposed, silent - all those adjectives, for sure, can be applied. It might not matter, then, why writing has to be done alone, why it might be lonely at times, why it might encroach on the times of personal silence.

Such is my promise, and so I am bound.

Geez, it sounds nearly Shakespearean...