Alone or together?

We are social creatures: we belong to a family, a clan, a tribe, a town, a city, a nation, a race, a species. It is this belonging that provides us with identity, through similarity and difference. We become protective for and affectionate to those like us, while detached from and aggressive towards those unlike us. It seems a given, but I wonder.

I was at a park the other day. I was early evening, sunny, with a gentle breeze blowing. The park is on the riverbank. Every so often, a tourist boat would go by, crowded, expectant. Whenever one such boat went by, a group of children (no more than 5 or 6 years old) would rush to the railings to call out, to wave, hoping for a response in kind. When the people on the ships returned the wave and the call, the kids were frantic in their joy, running along the path, waving and laughing. Sadly, this only happened in a couple of occasions. Mostly, the children's efforts were ignored, or not "indulged in". Why?

I remember doing something similar while at school. I had a school bus ride every day, and on route we used to go by an army barracks - cavalry, it actually housed some stables, if I remember correctly. At the gate would stand one young soldier or other, serious, guarding the place from some invisible enemy dreamt up by a paranoid officer. Needless to say, we invariably waved at them, cheerful, trying to make them smile (I confess to having started the whole thing, but it soon caught on!), and invariably we were disappointed. until one day a young man, probably no more than 18 years old, smiled and waved back!! It was magical! We had just started waving back even more enthusiastically when an officer came and started telling the guard off in front of us. It was horrible, we felt so guilty we never waived at the poor guys at the garret again.

Older and more aware of military rules, I now know the reasons for the telling off. Still, I cannot fully understand it. Why did the soldier, and us children, have to do without the social need for recognition? Indeed, if most children are unabashedly welcoming and outgoing, most adults have difficulty expressing random joy at seeing other human beings. Why must we suppress such primeval right? This segregation from the other is cheating us of the validation that comes from another's awareness of ourselves. Who but the other will remember us?

In this modern society, we become more alone in more crowded dwellings. We all move to the bigger cities where we pay for "comfort" with anonymity. So more people join online communities where they can hide their true selves. We become paranoid about our identity being stolen, our ideas copied, our benefits enjoyed by others "less worthy", our lofty public image ruined by a smile.

We have become hermits but live without holiness. Thus, without the justification for the habit, we fall pray to fear, to loneliness. Recognising the other is a Joy, a Gift, a Privilege.

Welcome to my world. I smile at you, I know your name, you are my other.