Home

We all know what 'to feel at home' means. What is less clear is what 'home' really is.
For some, home is where the heart is; for others, wherever they lay their hats; of maybe it's sweet Alabama; for Jack, it's probably the house he built; and so on.

What, and/or where, is your home? And mine?

I've just spent a few days back in the city where I grew up, back in the flats where, all in all, I've lived most of my life - or for the longest stretches, at least. It was thus bittersweet to realise that, at no point in that visit, did I feel 'home'. I certainly felt loved, welcome, comfortable, all the while happy not to suffer the pangs of homesickness. I knew where things were, and the people and animals showed their love (if in my family/friends circle) or kindness (if not in it).

Still, I felt 'alien', a mere tourist to those spaces. Why?

For one thing, it's become obvious that, for me, home is not a matter of people. As I've said, the ones I've been with are all family and dear friends - whom I also consider family. Even their company, the community they mean, warm, generous and beneficial as it is, was unable to create 'home' for me. Not even my cat's cuddles managed it!

Home is also clearly not a place, for that city and those flats, where I spent my childhood, late teens and late twenties; where I got my basic education, my first graduate job, my lovely long leather coat and first tattoo; where my love for books and trees first revealed themselves and were allowed to develop;... all those were not enough to bring me 'home'. Of course, the people and places were 'home' during certain periods in my life. And the same can be said for any, and every, people and places who have become part of my history.

What, then, is 'home', and when does it stop being it?

To begin with, I believe that 'home' is not a feeling, a place, a concept, but rather a state of being. It is at home here you can experiment, develop, bare and observe your soul. It is at home where you can be and become more 'you', and less what the world thinks of you. And, as any state, it is transient, mutable, unselfish. Home will be where, with whomever, whenever you need it to be in order for you to achieve that 'you-ness' - so that you may go on and explore, develop, bare and observe other facets of your soul; so that, once it's achieved, you can move on, and on, and on.

Home is where the soul earns its uniqueness; where soul becomes Soul.

Welcome home, wherever you are.