Thank you because I love you

I used to think that 'I love you' was the most powerful thing you could say. I amend that. I think 'I love you' may be the most beautiful thing you want to hear, but 'Thank you' is the strongest message you can give. In fact, I have come to understand the latter as an added-on form of the former. Please, let me explain.

Telling someone you love them is a marvelous thing. It is marvelous because it gives to both the teller and the listener. The one who says it does so from a warm, constructive feeling of communion, care, affinity, and generosity. When you get to the point where it must be said, it is because all your realities (physical, psychological and spiritual) have recognised the Joy of that other one's presence in your Life - and the other can be a person, an animal, a plant, an entity... you name it. Saying it; actually forming the words in your mind, with any part of your body, grants you the Joy of becoming aware of that instinctual recognition. Amazing! In fact, even if you mean it only "slightly", it will start working to become true, as your mind, body and spirit look to strengthen the beauty it promises.

At the same time, the one who receives the 'I love you' is filled with instant cheer. It is delightful, knowing that you are loved, and all that it implies. All our realities become harmonious and the world expands in Joy all around, so much enriching energy is released. Moreover, if someone loves us, we believe we must have done something to deserve it.  The problem is that we have, in fact, been taught that love is a currency - we believe it is a reward for "good behaviour". It brings instant validation, in a way.

But, isn't that the role of being told "Thank you"? When we do something well, when when do something thoughtfully, THAT is what should follow. But we are forgetting it... Being able to show gratitude is an empowering state - we have been the centre of another's (person, Universe, animal, or whatever) best intentions. Now, because they have made us a lovely cup of steaming coffee so we didn't have to. Now, because they have smiled and cheered us up. Now, because they have let us go through first, although they might also be in a hurry... Even perfect strangers show us thoughtful recognition, and we are robbed of the thrill of deserving so much care! We tell each other - mostly to a limited circle of people, though - generally about love, and forget offering individual appreciation for the individual instance of goodness. Through lack of recognition, we have altered the reception of Love into the need for Gratitude. And we cheat ourselves of at least one of their thrilling, giving, fabulous natures. 'Thank you' has become the strongest, as it is the least common.

I propose a campaign for each of us: to be Mindful of our words, and say 'I love you' when it is free and true; and say 'Thank you' when we want to accept and validate another's generosity. Regain the Joy in both and either one, independently, so when you express them they re-acquire all their splendour. Make a gift of them, for no reason at all, because they are a Gift when you receive them, when you can offer them.

And I thank you, because you are there for me to love, and that makes me grateful. And I love you, without a because.